Hālau 'Aha Hūi Lanakila™

Before highlighting monogamy as an important cornerstone of inner development, it’s essential to pinpoint the most common barrier to it. The ego by nature is afraid of commitment. While it is able to remain committed toward a variety of pursuits, it only knows how to desire through anticipation, incapable of actually receiving the very thing it’s driven to seek. When a spiritual being claims restriction or limitation in a committed relationship, many red flags are raised. If one feels stifled in a relationship, it may be time to leave that partnership and move on. If one is attracted to their partner, but also desires intimacy with others, it is a tell-tale sign of spiritual immaturity attempting to hide in a tantric persona.

The ego can desire a variety of partners for a few key reasons:

One reason is because new partners always offer the energy of contrast which fills the ego with excitement until the newness of such a connection begins to settle. From the viewpoint of ego, it must always seek fresh partners and new experiences on a habitual basis, in order to keep the momentum of conditioning active. Otherwise, the infrastructure of ego begins to implode as the light of realization unravels the ego through waves of boredom and depression.

Simply put, the ego constantly seeks new intimate partners to avoid the unraveling caused by awakening, which often wells up inside of us, when not constantly exchanging old things for newer experiences.

Another reason ego desires multiple partners is because having more than one lover gives the ego something to manage. Whether it is constantly making sure our chakras spin in a certain direction, attempting to keep our vibration at a certain level, or even managing the needs and desires of multiple partners, the ego seeks any form of micromanagement as a way of staying in-tact. Because the ego cannot be permanently satisfied by the love of one, it attempts to raise the stakes by creating scenarios where it is adored by more. Despite the ego’s shortcomings of never having the capacity to receive the intimacy it seeks, as it integrates into the maturity of our awakening soul, we develop the capacity and worthiness to receive the fullness of love as expressed from the intimacy of another.

Whether we are meant to give our love to one soulmate throughout our lives or a few key lovers to be encountered at various stages of our evolution, the importance of monogamy highlights the essence of spiritual expansion.

Monogamy is our ability to be fully present in our current relationships, as a way of unearthing the most fulfilling experiences each partnership is meant to provide. While you may or may not be destined to be together forever, why not give it your full effort, if choosing the beloved that has chosen you?

While the commitment-phobic ego desires the idea of relationship, it is only the soul that benefits from the sacred union shared between two hearts.

When rooted in the soul, two hearts activate the evolution of the other. If incubating in ego, a relationship becomes a means through which conditioning is unraveled by the adversities each partnership encounters. While traditional marriage vows suggest, “till death do us part”, a modern day interpretation can be “till the death of our commitment do us part”.

This means we allow our monogamous relationships to be the sacred space where we put our deepest insights into practice, allowing our own hearts to blossom by how unconditionally we embrace the heart of our beloved, until the hands of time point us in different directions.

The notion that monogamy strips away one’s innate sense of freedom is a belief created by a fear of commitment. While the ego loves exploring options, it has little to no capacity to stand behind a decision. This is because once an option or partner has been chosen, the ego must now shift out of the fantasy of partnership and into the reality of relationship building. It is where the importance of compromise and considering someone else’s experience begins to unravel the self-absorbed patterning of human conditioning.

The spiritual importance of monogamy is a symbol of oneness with the Divine. While the ego yearns to be rescued by Source during moments of need, it is incapable of staying in the light to live out life’s destiny under the cosmic laws of Universal Will. Often times, the ego attempts to align with Source like a racecar pulling into a pit stop. Once repaired, its back in the race until it breaks down further. This is much like relationships, where ego seeks the loving support of another during its most vulnerable moments of growth. As soon as it is no longer in need, it often turns away from the heart that offered such support to find something fresh, new, and exciting to indulge.

Just as we turn inward during our deepest heartfelt surrender to allow our personal will to serve the greater will of our One Eternal Source, in monogamy, we come together in partnership to allow our individual wills to nurture and support the mutual flowering of intimate partnerships. While it is important for both partners to maintain their own individuality, as unique contributions toward the evolution of a mutual bond, it is equally important for a willingness to serve WE instead of just ME to be seen as opportunities to align with the vibration of unity consciousness.

Sometimes relationships have successfully run their course and it may be time to consider whether your current partner is right for your journey ahead. In other cases, it is the ego sensing its own demise, while hoping to preserve the nature of its fantasy by exchanging partners.

When we are able to see sacred partnership as a way in which we become fully invested in our life’s journey, as the perfection of divinity in human form, we are able to freely commit to the heart of our beloved without feeling as if anything will be sacrificed. In the end, the one who bounces around from relationship to relationship, only staying for as long as the newness is felt, ultimately misses out on the joy of true intimacy. Far beyond the fear of boredom in a relationship, there exists a depth of ecstasy, where every moment can be felt as outrageous love -making between two hearts. Such a high level of tantric bliss may be pursued by ego, but only exists for the soul to discover.

No matter how tumultuous any relationship may be, each one has been created to help integrate our deepest wisdom into expressions of practical wisdom, molding us into the most optimal perfection to welcome the arrival of the one we’re meant to love. Whether we are currently celebrating sacred partnership with our long-awaited beloved, being refined for such a relationship, or eagerly anticipating their arrival, may we embrace the importance of monogamy as a way of aligning with the light of Source energy. The more willing we are to be in monogamous relationship with our deepest truth, the more love can fill our hearts to bring forth our most fulfilling reality for the benefit of all.

In sacred partnership, we embrace the heart of another as our own, while cherishing our own needs, so to become better receivers of the one we were born to adore. Whether discovering renewed commitment in our current relationship, opening space for our true beloved to enter, or making our own hearts a more central point of focus, the importance of monogamy is the grace through which the ego is resolved. It is the awakening of unity consciousness.

– Matt Kahn